It’s like this with pretty much everything, I’m starting to realize. When things are going really well, there isn’t much to talk about, so nobody knows that everything’s great. But when things go south, obviously that’s when people start to complain, so that’s when you hear about someone’s car being a piece of shit, or the neighbors that are too loud — whatever. The point is those things probably aren’t always bad, but when they are bad, that’s when they get the most publicity. And a story about someone’s dog NOT having diarrhea on the couch is generally less funny than the opposite (as long as you weren’t involved in the cleanup).
So my pseudo-point with that introduction is that my life isn’t really awful at all, but once I compile a long enough list of things to complain about I make a blog post. Then again, this is the internet, which means I definitely don’t have to explain why I’m complaining about random things on my own blog.
1. Cold water. I guess this is a retarded thing to complain about, but the back story here is that Jackson is cold during the winter, therefore the pipes in the crawlspace that carry the water from place to place are a) almost always cold, and b) have to warm up to some kind of room-temperature-ish operating temp before they’re going to deliver anything resembling hot water to your tap/tub/whatever. That means your hot tap runs cold for probably a full 60 seconds before it even gets warm. Don’t think that sounds like a log time? Go count to 5,000. That’s how long it takes.*
(*this statement is false.)
2. Loud people on the bus. In the winter the bus here runs directly from town to the Village (that means from Jackson the town, to Jackson Hole Mountain Resort), and taking that is way easier than driving. It’s almost impossible to ever ride the bus anywhere without running into someone you know/know of/saw at a bar one time, so just in case it’s still too early and you don’t want to make forced conversation all the way to the resort, you’ll have your headphones in BEFORE you get on the bus. What boggles the mind is that some people are capable of talking so loudly that they cut straight through your headphone’s ability to cancel noise. I’ve always been under the impression that common courtesy dictates that people try to avoid talking on the phone, playing your headphones too loudly and above all, KEEP YOUR VOICE DOWN when you’re on the bus. However, this seems to be a highly inaccurate assumption.
3. Being forgetful. I can literally meet someone and instantly forget their name. I can know someone for months and still randomly forget their name. Of course everyone always says, “oh you should just repeat it to yourself, put it in a sentence for yourself immediately, try to think of someone else you know with the same name,” bla bla bla. I can’t think of one time any of those exercises have positively impacted my ability to remember anything. And while it’s not all that uncommon to casually mention that you’re “bad with names” while meeting someone for the first time, a more accurate statement would be, “there’s no fucking way I will remember your name after hearing it just once.” And that’s not the best way to make a first impression.
4. Leftovers. Dunno why, something about a heaping melange of free-form glop in a condensation-filled plastic container just doesn’t flip any switches for me. Plus have you ever had to eat leftover Kraft mac-n-cheese? If you didn’t know it was nuclear waste before, you will figure it out quickly.
5. The iPad. Yes, I do have one. I didn’t steal it, but I also didn’t pay for it, so I am free to be critical of it. And to me, it’s nothing more than an ostentatious way of telling people you can and do choose to buy titanically pointless electronic crap. I’ve seen some nice examples of it being used to help disabled kids communicate, so in the “accessibility” sense I can admit that it does have some merit. But for the rest of the people that bought one… wtf? This guy on a plane ride next to me had his out and was reading a book on it, and he was actually LICKING HIS FINGERS when he turned the pages. There was also the douche-bag that brought his out at a crowded bar on a Saturday night — these are the people that buy iPads. It’s not a segment of the population that you should want to identify with.
6. Repetitive TV Shows. I actually hate them BECAUSE I like them so much. This particular sub-heading could be a detailed look into why each of these shows is highly repetitive, but I’ll spare you. The point is though, if you are able to obtain (read: download) all of the available series(es?) and watch them in marathon-style sequential order, you’ll agree with me. Here’s the list:
- Top Gear. Highly predictable, yet highly entertaining British motoring show.
- Lie to Me. Kind of a crappy Fox drama, but it’s still entertaining.
- House. Sorry, it’s predictable as hell. But still entertaining.
…this brings me to something else…
7. Obvious Social Errors in Cinema. The MOST obvious of these is the way people interact during cell phone conversations; sometimes, it’s almost like the writers don’t think the people watching the screen have ever used a cell phone before. Don’t you usually go through the “hey what’s up” stage of the conversation for the first like, 5-10 seconds? And when you’re getting off the phone, don’t you usually have to say “bye,” or something, ANYTHING, that indicates that the conversation is coming to an end? I understand that certain measures are taken to keep the length of features down to a manageable level, but I wonder if it wouldn’t help the believability of the film to just have that extra five seconds of dialogue that will make the phone conversation sound more realistic.
8. Apartment Managers/Landlords. With a few notable exceptions, most of the landlords or managers I’ve interacted with have been totally inept. Think about it: the job of the apartment manager is just that — another job. It’s a little more attractive than most jobs, being that it potentially offers free or reduced rent rates, but with that benefit comes the RESPONSIBILITY to MANAGE your apartment building. One of our former apt managers had the unit above us, and it was the only hardwood-floored unit. And he wore heeled shoes at all times. I talked with him about it more than a few times, and he was always apologetic for the moment, but then would go right back to his closet full of cowboy boots or whatever the fuck he was wearing all the time. And landlords…? I wonder what percentage of landlords that own and operate properties ever actually wanted to be landlords. My guess is that it’s more something that you just end up doing because you have the opportunity, not because you give a shit about keeping your extra properties nice. It’s about the laziest way to make a living I can think of. Fuck, I need to be a landlord.
